


Our Last Fight

by Hayleythewriter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood Friends, Fights, Friends to Lovers, Human Castiel (Supernatural), Human Dean Winchester, Jealous Cas, M/M, Minor Gabriel/OC, Past Castiel/Crowley (Supernatural), Romantic Comedy, Slow Burn, au where everyone knows asl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28461486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hayleythewriter/pseuds/Hayleythewriter
Summary: Most of the time, Cas and Dean were the kind of friends that never fought.They bickered, a lot, over stupid stuff like what to order for dinner and if they should rewatch Dr. Sexy or start a new show.But they didn’t have big, loud, fights that ended in hurt feelings and slammed doors.Most of the time.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 23
Kudos: 151





	1. A History of Fights

**Author's Note:**

> _There will be one more chapter after this! And it will be posted before January 6th :)_  
>  This was so much fun to write! This is a modern day AU with nothing supernatural. I haven't watched the show in years lol but they pulled me back in this November. Eileen is based off the fanfics and fancams I've seen of her.  
> In this story: Dean and Sam were raised by John after Mary died in a housefire. John dies when Dean is 12 and they're sent to live with Bobby. Bobby lives in the same neighborhood as Cas, which is when they first meet.  
> Thanks for reading :) I hope you enjoy it!

**Part I.**

**A History of Fights**

Most of the time, Cas and Dean were the kind of friends that never fought. 

They bickered, a lot, over stupid stuff like what to order for dinner and if they should rewatch Dr. Sexy or start a new show. 

But they didn’t have big, loud, fights that ended in hurt feelings and slammed doors. 

Most of the time. 

Of course, it was only natural that they’d have a few rough patches. They’d been best friends since they were kids, and they were 26 now. Even still, Cas could count the number of genuine fights they’d had on one hand. 

The first was in sixth grade. 

They’d only known each other for a few months, the friendship was fresh, and therefore vulnerable. Looking back, Cas would assign himself most of the blame. Technically, Dean started it, but sixth grade Cas was the annoying asshole who blew it out of proportion. 

Dean and Cas were sitting in Cas’s backyard. The grass was green, the pool was reflecting the late September sun. Cas remembered exactly how it started. His father wanted Dean to go to church with them, since Dean was spending more and more time at their house. Cas asked Dean, and Dean, with his usual tact, laughed in his face. 

Cas blinked. 

“You don’t believe in God?” 

“Uh,” Dean laughed, “No, I don’t believe in an old guy with a beard on a cloud somewhere. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. I think Santa is more believable. Someone did tell you the truth about Santa, right?” 

Sixth grade Cas was shaken to his core. He went on a self-righteous rant about Christianity that made 26 year old Cas cringe to think about, and Dean went back home. They didn’t talk for a week after that, and during that week Cas realized two things. The first was that he’d been raised and homeschooled by extremely religious parents, and everyone he spent time with were either his siblings or people from church. Just because Dean didn’t believe in the same things, or in God at all, didn’t mean he was a bad person. It just meant he was raised differently. 

The second thing he realized was life without Dean was painfully lonely. How did he live like this before the Winchesters moved into the neighborhood? If he had to listen to Michael nag him about the importance of ironing or Gabriel talk his ear off about some ‘hot chick’ in the third pew, he was going to pray for the lord to smite him. 

Cas apologized. Dean forgave him. And the two became even closer. 

They didn’t have a big fight again until freshman year of high school. It was the first year Cas attended public school. It was also the year his parents died in a car crash and Michael, his 20-year-old brother, applied for custody of Gabriel, Cas, and Anna. His homelife was a mess, and he had to assimilate to public school, which was slightly less confusing than moving to another planet. At least he had Dean to guide him. When Cas didn’t know what to wear, or what to say when someone asked to copy his homework, or how to survive P.E., Dean was always happy to help. 

There was one problem Dean couldn’t help him with, and his name was Inias. 

Inias was a hot baseball player who volunteered at the Lawrence Public Library. Cas volunteered there too. 

Cas loved the library, even before Inias kissed him in the reference section. 

Cas had to navigate his first relationship alone. Who could he tell? Michael was just as deeply religious as their parents had been, Gabriel was too busy going to parties or fighting with Michael about going to parties, Anna was in middle school, and Dean. . . he had no idea how Dean would react. 

He didn’t have to wait long to find out. 

Michael was out of town which meant Gabriel was throwing a party. Inias showed up with a bunch of his baseball friends, and Cas gripped his water bottle a bit too tightly when he didn’t even glance his way. Dean was too preoccupied by the rest of the snack table to notice. 

The party continued, the lights grew dimmer, and the music grew louder. Dean laughed with friends who understood his pop culture references, Inias played beer pong against a cheerleader, and Cas stood alone in the corner. He slipped away to his bedroom because he didn’t think anyone would notice. He was wrong. Two people noticed. 

Inias knocked on Cas’ door with a secret smile. Cas smiled back and let him inside. He closed the door behind him and meant to lock it, but Inias was taking off his shirt, so the door was quickly forgotten. 

Dean didn’t knock. He never did. 

“Hey, why’d you—” 

Cas and Inias jumped apart, but it was pointless. Dean saw everything. 

“Dean,” Cas said breathless. His heart was pounding and he didn’t know if it was from the sex he’d been having, or the look of horror on Dean’s face. 

“Dammit Cas,” Inias said, yanking on a shirt. 

Dean turned around and walked away. 

Inias cursed and Cas promised he’d swear him to secrecy. When Cas left Inias was furiously trying to comb through his hair with a pissed off expression. He always knew their relationship wasn’t going to be forever, but he wished it didn’t have to end like this. 

Cas checked outside first, and felt a wave of relief when he saw Dean and his impala still parked across the street. 

Cas opened the passenger door and slid inside. 

As soon as the door shut, Dean turned to him. 

“You can’t tell anyone,” Cas blurted first. 

“Fine, I won’t. But why didn’t you tell me?” 

Cas shrugged. 

“Does anyone else know?” Dean’s knuckles were white on the steering wheel. Cas stared at Dean. 

“No.” 

Dean sat back in his seat and huffed. Then he turned to Cas. 

“You should have told me you were gay.” 

“Why?” 

“Because,” Dean sputtered, “Because it changes everything.” 

Cas felt like someone was wringing his insides like a washcloth. Dean was his best friend. He’d told himself not to get his hopes up, but clearly his hopes had been sky high that Dean would accept him. Now they were crashing down into the burning garbage that was his life. 

“Where are you going— are you mad at me or something?” 

“No,” Cas slammed the door and Dean rolled down his window to glare. 

“How are you mad at me? I didn’t do anything. I should be mad at you!” 

And then they were mad at each other for two long weeks. Cas ignored him at school. Dean didn’t call or text. Cas felt like shit, but he told himself it was good that this happened now. He didn’t want to waste time on a so-called friend that wouldn’t accept him for who he is. He nearly managed to convince himself, except at night when he laid in bed wide awake and imagined scenarios where Dean came crawling back with a changed attitude and tearful apology. 

Cas knew Dean wouldn’t tell anyone. No matter how disgusted he was by Cas, he said he wouldn’t tell and Dean kept his promises. The thought should have made him feel better, but somehow he felt worse. 

Michael’s court date showed up sooner than Cas thought. Cas, Gabriel, and Anna had to be there, in their best clothes, while some judge decided if Michael could become their legal guardian. Cas walked with his hands in the pockets of his pants so no one would see them shaking. He kicked the gravel outside the courthouse steps, angry, and not thinking about Dean at all. 

Until he walked into the courtroom and saw Dean and Sam in the backrow. 

Cas followed Gabriel to their seats but he couldn’t look away from Dean. He’d put on court clothes too, a button-down and slacks, and his green eyes were the brightest thing in the room. Dean gave him an encouraging nod, and Cas took his hands out of his pockets. They weren’t shaking anymore. 

Michael won custody and Cas was rushed off to a celebratory family dinner. Afterwards when there was a knock on the door, he knew who it would be. 

Cas joined Dean on the porch. 

“Congrats, man.” 

“Thanks.” 

Dean stepped into the porch light. The circle of light felt private, even though the empty neighborhood stretched out before them, and Cas’ family was on the other side of the door. The cold night air made Cas wish he’d thrown a jacket over his t-shirt, but he refused to shiver. Instead he folded his arms. 

“I was surprised to see you there.” 

“Of course. I mean, you asked me to come before. It was on my calendar and everything. I mean, I didn’t know if you still wanted me to, but…” 

“I wanted you to.” 

Dean sort of smiled and Cas sort of smiled back. Cas looked toward Dean’s car, parked in the same spot it had been that night, and decided he owed Dean an explanation. At least. 

“I didn’t tell you I was gay because I knew it would bother you.” 

“Well… it doesn’t.” 

Cas narrowed his eyes. 

“Okay, maybe it bothered me at first. I mean, dude, if I knew you were gay I never would have been so… Whatever. And I wouldn’t have, like, shared your bed.” 

“Nothing has to change because I’m gay. I don’t have feelings for you, Dean.” 

“Yeah,” Dean said turning a little flush, “yeah I got that.” 

“I’m sorry you had to find out. . . like that. That must have been shocking.” 

“Shocking,” Dean said, relieved that Cas said it first, “Uh, yeah. That was freaking crazy. I mean you and that guy were all— and you looked so— uh, it was crazy. Especially since I’ve never met a gay person before, and growing up dad was not exactly open minded. But these past few weeks I googled some stuff… And I guess, even that night, I was mostly pissed that you’d been lying to me. I kinda tell you everything, man.” 

“Sometimes too much,” Cas said wryly. Dean chuckled. 

“It was Carmen Porter, dude, I couldn’t leave any details out. Well, hey, now that I know you’re gay, you’re gonna tell me stuff too, right?” 

“If you want me to,” Cas said, uncertain. 

“Yeah, of course. This is gonna be great. We’ll never fight over a girl. Hey— I’m going out with Meg this Saturday. I think she has a brother.” 

“Oh my god,” Cas covered his face, partially because it looked like Dean’s weird obsession with finding him a date wasn’t going to stop, and partially because he couldn’t stop smiling. 

That fight could be blamed on miscommunication. Their next fight, sophomore year of college, could only be blamed on Dean. 

They both ended up at Illinois State College. Nobody was surprised about Dean— they had a decent engineering program, and it was the only school he applied to. Cas, on the other hand, had been daydreaming about Brown University, and their English program, for years. When it came time to decide he knew he’d be happier in Illinois. Of course he told Dean he’d been rejected from Brown. It was easier that way. 

Sophomore year, they had their biggest fight yet. 

Three weeks into their fall semester, Dean dropped out. He said it was because he sucked at school but Cas suspected it had more to do with the money he wanted to save. Bobby was injured and retired, and Sam had his sights sets on Stanford. Dean didn’t tell anyone else he dropped out. Instead he accepted the usual tuition money Bobby sent, and put it in a savings account in Sam’s name. 

Their fight wasn’t about that. But now that Dean didn’t have to worry about class, he started hanging out with a new crowd of people. He partied all the time. Dean’s room in their apartment was either empty or occupied by two. It didn’t bother Cas, little did when you grew up with Gabriel. Cas got up around 2AM to grab a glass of water and found Dean asleep on the floor. He’d regret that sleeping position in the morning. Cas gripped him tight and raised him from the living room rug. Dean woke up just enough to smile at him softly. 

“Thanks for that.” 

Maybe it was feeling of holding him in his arms, maybe it was the smell of his cologne mixed with whisky, or maybe it was the look on his face, the unfiltered adoration in his eyes. 

Whatever the reason, that was the moment Cas realized he was in love with his best friend. 

He was so shocked he lost his grip and Dean dropped to the floor. Cas scrambled to pick him up again and help him to his bed. 

Cas stayed up all night, sitting on the couch with a cup of tea that he forgot to drink. He looked back on their years of friendship, trying to make sense of his feelings. Was he really in love with him? Maybe it was a temporary moment of insanity. He didn’t date or hook up with people. Maybe he was just lonely, and Dean was just there. 

Cas watched the sunrise through their kitchen window. Dean came out of his room around 10, bitching about a hangover. Cas didn’t listen. He stared at Dean’s thin white t-shrit and boxers and the freckles on his arms and his hand around the refrigerator handle and he knew he loved him. How the hell was he supposed to deal with that? 

“I want to move out,” Cas blurted, because apparently that’s how the hell he would deal with that. 

Dean closed the refrigerator. He sort of laughed, but trailed off when he glanced back at Cas’ strained expression. 

“What?” 

“I think I might move back into the dorms.” 

“Did I piss you off or something?” 

“No.” Cas closed his eyes. He should’ve started this when he’d gotten a full eight hours. “It’s just, our schedules are so different now. I think it would make more sense if I went back to the dorms.” 

“So, you’re saying you want to stick to your own kind. I’m too stupid for you.” 

“That’s not what I—” 

“If you want to live with a nerd in a shitty dorm, go for it. I’m sure you’re eager for the school to randomly assign you a better friend.” 

Cas felt like the couch had been pulled out from underneath him. The last thing he wanted to do was upset Dean. That was the whole reason he wanted to move out. 

“Dean, I don’t think you’re stupid. Just forget I said anything.” 

“No, you’re right Cas, you should move out. It makes sense. And don’t you worry about me, I won’t have any trouble finding someone to move in. Lots of people would love to stay with me.” 

“For more than a night?” 

They both froze, equally surprised. He’d never had a problem with Dean’s one night stands before, but apparently bitterness was a side effect of last night’s revelation. He felt awful. He wanted to apologize. But Dean spoke before he could. 

“Is that what this is really about? You’re jealous.” 

Cas felt like he’d been kicked in the chest, but Dean kept pushing. 

“Sorry I know how to have fun. Maybe if you didn’t think you were so much better than everyone, people would like you too.” 

“Oh yes, I’m sure all those girls like you. That’s why they never stay for breakfast.” 

The fight was just beginning. Dean knew him better than anyone, so he knew exactly which names and taunts and digs would hit him hardest. By the time Cas packed his bags and slammed the door, he’d forgotten what started the whole thing in the first place. 

He blamed it on Dean. If he wasn’t in love with Dean, none of this would have happened. 

Cas did not move into a dorm, he moved into an apartment, with a girl in his major named Charlie. He loved living with Charlie. She reminded him of Dean, especially when she forced him to watch all the Star Wars movies and ranted about her crush on Leia. He enjoyed his classes, friends, and books, but there was a Dean Winchester sized hole in his life. 

He didn’t know how to fix it. After a few days, he wasn’t even angry. He was scared. What if the next time he saw Dean, he blurted out his feelings? What if Dean could just read it on his face? What if Dean was dating someone? What if he realized Cas had been holding him back all these years and now he was happier than ever with a hot girlfriend and three cars? 

That summer, Cas went back home. It would be harder to avoid him in Lawrence, but not impossible. He just wouldn’t go to all their usual places. At least he knew the library would be safe. 

Until Sam tapped on his shoulder. 

“Hi Cas.” 

“Hi,” Cas put down his book and squared his shoulders. Sam’s bright smile made him feel guilty. Sam had done nothing wrong, but ignoring Dean meant ignoring him too. “It’s good to see you again. How was your junior year?” 

“Uh, terrifying,” Sam said, sliding into the chair next to him, “It’s the hardest year academically. I’m actually here to get a head start on the SATs. Dean said you got almost a perfect score.” 

“Did he?” Cas said trying to sound casual. 

“Yeah. You know, he really misses you. He’s always telling me how bad he feels about everything that happened, and that he’s really sorry.” 

“Sorry for what?” 

“Sorry for everything,” Sam answered quickly, “Just, really sorry. But I think he thinks you hate him.” 

Cas processed this. He wanted to kick himself for not reaching out sooner. He couldn’t throw away years of friendship over a petty fight caused by a crush. That’s what it was, after all. Not love, a crush. A crush was something he could repress until he moved on to someone else. 

“You don’t hate him, right?” Sam said looking at him sideways. 

“No, I don’t.” 

“Good,” Sam smiled. Then he snapped his fingers like he just got an idea, “Hey, I know. You should come by tonight around eight, so Dean has a chance to apologize. I’m sure he’d ask you over himself, but he’s way too insecure to initiate anything.” 

“Maybe I will,” He cleared his throat and adjusted in his chair, “Thanks for letting me know. Would you like to borrow the SAT prep books I used? I also made a few study guides and practice tests, if you wanted those, too.” Sam happily accepted. 

That night Cas went over to the Winchesters at eight o’clock. Dean answered the door. After a painfully awkward intro of ‘hello dean’ and ‘hey’, Cas cut to the chase. 

“Sam told me you were sorry.” 

“What? Anna came by around lunch and told me you were sorry.” 

Cas raised his eyebrows. They figured out pretty quickly that their younger siblings had tried to parent trap them. Dean made a joke and Cas laughed and then somehow everything was back to normal. 

That was it. Those were the only three fights Cas and Dean had ever had. 

Until this one. 

This one was the worst yet. 

Cas lived with Charlie for the next two years. After they graduated, he moved back to Lawrence until he figured out what he wanted to do for grad school. He rented a small house on the edge of town with Dean and got a job as a high school English teacher. Dean worked as a mechanic at Bobby’s old shop. 

Last night, everything was perfect. 

This morning, they had the biggest fight they’d ever had. 

And now, Cas stood alone in their living room. He let his head drop to his hands. 

Their friendship had survived so much. But he knew it couldn’t survive this.


	2. The Last Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Cas have the last fight they'll ever have and it's a doozy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos and kind comment :) :) :)  
> I know last time I saw there'd be two chapters, but I decided to make it three.  
> Can you guess what song from Evermore I listened to on repeat while writing this? (Hint: your hometown skeptics call it)  
> The third chapter will be up before January 6th!

** **

**Part II.**

**(April 29th)**

**The Day Before the Final Fight**

Gabriel still had a passion for throwing parties. 

Dean and Cas showed up at the Novak’s for Gabriel’s Fancy Ass Dinner Party (as the Facebook event was called). Gabriel greeted them at the door holding a martini and wearing a tux. 

The guest list was very selective. Gabriel, his girlfriend Laura, Anna, Garth, Jo Harvelle, Dean, and Cas. They sat down in the formal dining room and when Gabriel snapped his fingers, a violinist stepped into the room and began to serenade them. 

Cas smiled into his glass. His brother had his flaws, but at least he always committed to the bit. 

Until Gabriel pulled the lid off the silver platter, revealing that dinner tonight was Kraft mac n’ cheese with a side of mashed potatoes. Everyone gave him a hard time and Gabriel mumbled something about the price of take out and the price of violinists. 

Dean and Jo got into a lively debate about what they’d rather be, a werewolf or vampire. Jo made a joke about vampire sex and Twilight, and Dean laughed and put an arm around the back of Cas’ chair. 

Laura laughed along, and then asked, “Are you two dating?” 

“No,” Jo, Dean, and Cas said. 

“Oh,” Laura said, as Gabriel smirked and Garth helped himself to more potatoes, “Sorry I meant Dean and Jo.” 

“Of course you did,” Cas said. 

“He’s just actin’ on reflex. People always think Cas and I are together. It’s annoying as hell.” 

“Are you dating anyone?” Laura asked. 

“Nope,” Dean said, “Just haven’t met the right girl yet.” 

Cas reached for the bottle of wine and refilled his glass. 

“Jo used to have a crush on Dean,” Garth said through a mouthful of potato. Dean smirked. 

“Oh my god, that was like a million years ago, when I was young and naïve.” 

“Don’t be ashamed, Jo,” said Anna sweetly, “I think having a crush on Dean is a rite of passage growing up in Lawrence.” 

“Yeah, Dean’s a dreamboat,” Gabriel said looking pointedly at Cas. 

Cas took a long drink. 

“Well,” Laura said, “I don’t know if this is too forward, but my best friend will be in town next week. Her name is Lisa. I really think you guys would hit it off.” 

“I’m not into blind dates.” 

“I could show you a picture,” Laura reached for her phone. 

Cas turned to Jo, “I’d rather be a werewolf. Vampires live forever and that sounds horrible.” 

“But think of all the shit you could do if you were immortal,” Jo said. 

“I think it would be lonely.” 

“Not if you had a hot vampire husband to keep you company.” 

“I suppose,” his eyes drifted back to Dean, who had walked around to Laura’s side of the table to look at pictures of Lisa. 

After dinner, Dean stepped into the backyard for a bit of fresh air. Gabriel joined him, holding two cookies. Dean knew better than to ask for one. 

“So you and Lisa, huh?” 

“Might as well give her a chance,” Dean shrugged. She was hot and he had no problem with first dates. Multiple dates, that’s when shit got complicated. 

“An ass like that is worth a chance,” Gabriel nodded. Dean nodded back. Gabriel took a bite of cookie. He chewed thoughtfully than said, “I always thought you’d give Cassie a chance. Since he’s in love with you and all.” 

Dean resisted an eyeroll. Gabriel had been teasing them since High School. 

“Yeah, he loves me, I could be your brother-in-law, etc. etc. Get some new material, dude.” 

“I’m not joking,” Gabriel said. “Cas is in love with you. Has been for years.” 

Dean paused. Gabriel looked serious. But this had to be some new, weird joke that didn’t have a punchline yet. 

“Come on, Dean-o. You must’ve figured that out by now. He’s not exactly subtle. And Christ, he turned down Brown for you.” 

“Brown turned him down.” 

“Is that what he told you?” Gabriel had a gleam in his eye, but his smile was sad. Like this was hard to say. Like it was true. 

The backdoor slid open. Light from inside spilled onto the porch, and it felt like a spotlight. 

“Anna wants to play charades,” Cas said, standing in the doorway, lit up from behind. He’d dressed for the occasion, with a white collared shirt and a blue tie that he’d worn a million times. His sleeves were pushed up to his elbows, and he’d pulled his tie loose, and he was the hottest person Dean had ever seen. 

Dean’s mouth was dry. He couldn’t speak, but he couldn’t look away from Cas. 

Gabriel slapped him on the back. 

“Let’s go play some games. Starts with Dumb, noun, two syllables, ends with Ass.” 

“You can’t talk during charades,” Cas chided him as Gabriel stepped inside. 

Dean was still frozen. Cas turned back to him. 

“Are you okay?” 

“I…” he started, but he didn’t know how to finish. 

He’d come to terms with his bisexuality sophomore year of college, when he left Cas and moved in with a guy named Benny. They quickly started a roommates-with-benefits situation. But he didn’t exactly go around telling people, not even Cas. He didn’t want anyone to think of him differently, even though he knew they would support him, whatever. It was just something he’d rather not talk about. 

Especially with Cas. Especially since he’d been attracted to Cas since high school, since he accidently walked in on him and that guy and saw Cas looking like a freakin porn star. At first he told himself it was because it was the first time he’d seen something like that in real life, that was all. But then he started noticing Cas getting out of the pool, Cas sprawl on the couch, Cas sipping a drink at the movies. And then he had to accept the facts: his best friend was hot. 

But he could live with that in quiet pain because what would be the point of telling him? What would Cas do? He’d say thanks and never talk to Dean again, because anything else would be too awkward. 

Unless Cas liked him back. 

“What?” Cas asked from the doorway. 

“Nothing,” Dean said. “Nothing. I think.” 

Cas gave him a strange look, “What did Gabriel say to you?” 

“I don’t know. I’ll tell you later. I have to think about it first.” 

“Don’t hurt yourself.” 

“Shut up,” Dean followed him inside and closed the door. 

When they got home, Dean thought about what Gabriel had said alone in his room. And then he thought so much he drove himself crazy and went into Cas’s room. 

Cas was reading on his bed, already in his pajamas. He didn’t lower his book. 

“What’s—” 

“Did you get into Brown?” 

Cas looked surprised. He grabbed his bookmark and put the book down. 

“Yes. I did.” 

“What the fuck, dude?” 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to think I chose a school because of you.” 

“Did you?” 

Cas looked at him. Dean felt self conscious in the wrinkled clothes he’d worn to Gabriel’s. The longer Cas stayed silent, the surer Dean was. Cas liked him. Cas liked him _back_. 

He walked to the bed and sat down. Cas watched him closely. He repositioned himself so he was on his knees. 

“What are you doing?” 

Dean paused. “I don’t know. Have you ever thought about it?” 

Cas swallowed. 

“Have you ever thought about it?” 

“I’m thinking about it now,” Dean let his gaze drop to Cas’s mouth. 

They kissed. Cas wrapped his arms around his neck and Dean leaned forward and grabbed the sheets. It was electrifying. It was better than they imagined. 

Cas’s book fell to the floor, and neither of them noticed. 

A few minutes later, it was covered by a pile of their clothes. 

**Part III.**

**(April 30th)**

**The Day of the Final Fight**

Dean woke up first. He carefully scooted out from underneath Cas’s arm. Cas rolled over and buried his head in his pillow as Dean gently closed the door behind him. 

He slept with Cas. 

He slept with Cas. 

He, Dean, slept with Cas. 

It changed everything. Usually he wasn’t a big fan of change, but this felt so natural and right and good. He felt so confident. This wasn’t how he usually felt the morning after, especially recently. But trailing kisses down his neck, smiling against his stomach, waking up in his arms, it all felt like the most natural thing in the world. Like Dean was right where he was supposed to be. 

He cracked four eggs into the pan and turned up the heat. 

The best part was, he knew Cas felt the same. Last night had been amazing. Now they could bypass all the awkward beginning parts of a relationship and skip to the part where they lived together and had great sex and Dean cooked breakfast and Cas introduced him as ‘my boyfriend’. 

The eggs started sizzling. Dean grabbed a spatula to scramble them. 

Sure, Dean didn’t really do serious relationships. Though he’d tried once or twice, he always found a way to ruin it. But Cas was different. They were best friends. Now they were best friends who fucked. They could figure this out together. Dean would do anything to make Cas happy. Surely, that was more important than his history of commitment issues. 

Dean grabbed the eggshells and took them to the trashcan. 

He noticed a small scrap of paper on the floor. He picked it up to toss in the trash, but then he saw what was on it. It was torn in half, but he’d recognized that red S anywhere. It was the same logo on all of Sam’s sweatshirts. 

But what was it doing on their kitchen floor? 

He opened the trashcan and saw a pile of torn pieces. After a moment of hesitation, he grabbed the pile and the piece he already had and spread them out on the kitchen table. Then he pieced the page back together. 

It was a list of requirements for the Stanford English Ph.D. program. 

Dean sank to the kitchen chair. 

Cas must have printed this. And for some reason, he must have torn it into pieces and thrown it away. 

What if the reason was Dean? 

He stopped himself. Not everything was about him. There were lots of reasons Cas would literally and figuratively throw away a future at Stanford. He had family in Lawrence. He had a job. 

But why didn’t he tell Dean he applied? 

Last night, Cas choosing him over Brown seemed like a big romantic gesture. In the harsh morning light he saw it for what it was. A stupid, crazy, reckless decision that blew up in his face because Dean didn’t even last two years. Cas loved Brown. It had been his dream. And he threw it away for Dean, who of course found a way to ruin it. 

Dean grabbed the scraps of paper and threw them away. 

He couldn’t let Cas choose him again. He couldn’t be the reason Cas gave up another dream. He wasn’t worth it. And maybe Cas thought he was now, but in a few years, he’d realize Dean just held him back. Cas would resent him. Cas would hate him. And it would be too late to fix things. 

Why did Dean think he could handle this? He wasn’t made for serious relationships. He wanted to date Cas, but it was more important to make him happy. He wouldn’t be happy with Dean for long. No one was. Cas had to go to Stanford. 

The eggs burned. 

But that was fine. Dean had a plan. He was going to fix everything. 

Cas woke up alone. That was the first red flag. 

He was so happy he basically floated to the kitchen. Dean was eating a plate of eggs in a grey Metallica shirt and sweatpants. Cas smiled at him, but he didn’t look up from his plate. That was the second red flag. Cas was hungry, but he glanced toward the stove and saw that the pan of eggs was scrapped clean. 

That was the third red flag. 

Cas told himself he was just overthinking things. He slept with his best friend last night, surely his brain was still processing. Maybe Dean was still processing, too. He’d never even talked about liking men before, so he probably had a lot more to process. He sat down at the table, and Dean finally looked at him. Cas smiled. 

“Last night was amazing.” 

Dean nodded with a mouthful of egg. 

“Hell yeah it was. I needed that, dude. I haven’t had a one-night stand in forever.” 

Cas no longer felt like he was floating. He felt like he was falling. 

“A one-night stand?” 

“Oh, uh. . . were you thinking a friends-with-benefits thing? Because I could be into that, too.” 

Cas took a second. 

Then he took another second. 

“I guess I didn’t make myself clear. I thought we were on the same page.” Cas put a hand on Dean’s, “Dean, I think I’m in love with you.” 

Suddenly Dean’s hand was gone and Cas’s was pressed against the table. 

“Whoa, Cas, that’s, uh. . . I was thinkin’ this could be casual.” 

“Casual.” 

“Yeah, I mean, you know me. I don’t date. I keep it causal. Meaningless sex.” 

“So last night was meaningless?” 

“Well, I didn’t mean that.” 

“Then what did you mean?” Cas asked sharply. 

Dean was officially in over his head. Cas just freaking confessed his love to him. What the hell was he supposed to say to that? The truth? The I love you, too? Yeah, right. Then Cas would give up Stanford and Dean would screw things up again and Cas would have missed out on another opportunity of a lifetime. 

But he didn’t want to hurt him. He really, really didn’t. 

“It wasn’t meaningless. I just don’t want to date you.” 

Cas stood. He pushed in his chair and didn’t let go. 

“Then why did you tell Crowley from my poetry class that we were dating in college?” 

“Crowley?” 

“From my poetry class. You told him you were my boyfriend, even though you knew I liked him. Don’t worry, he believed you, but he still slept with me.” 

Dean stood, “You told me you two never hooked up.” 

“You lied first, Dean. And why? Why would you tell him we were dating if you don’t want to date me?” 

“I was trying to lookout for you, Cas. You always like the shittiest guys who don’t deserve you. Crowley used to make you write his essays.” 

“They were not essays, they were discussion posts.” 

Dean rolled his eyes, “Whatever. You shouldn’t let people push you around all the time. You should do what you want to do.” 

Cas stormed to the other side of the table and stopped in front of him. 

“I told you I love you, Dean.” 

“You said you think you love me. But you’re not used to sex without feelings. Sometimes you sleep with a friend to see what it’s like. Remember my roommate Benny? We hooked up for months.” 

“I can’t believe you. I can’t believe you’re actually this stupid.” 

“I can’t believe you’re this naïve. Sleeping together once doesn’t make you boyfriends.” 

“I wish we never slept together.” 

“I wish we never lived together.” 

“I wish I’d gone to Brown.” 

“You should have! I didn’t ask you to follow me like a pathetic little—” 

“You’re pathetic, and you know what? That’s why you’re alone. You’re pathetic and scared to honestly tell people how you feel.” 

“I’m being honest,” Dean lied. “You just don’t want to hear it. You walk around in a fantasy world where you only see what you want to see.” 

“No, you just want to push me away before I leave you. Like everyone else has. That’s why you sleep with people who don’t mean anything to you.” 

“Like I slept with you?” 

The question was like a punch to the gut. Cas couldn’t speak. Dean took a deep breath. 

“Cas,” he started. 

“No. You were right. I live in a fantasy world. That’s why I slept with you. I looked at you and saw what I wanted to see. That’s who I was in love with. Fantasy you. That’s who I was friends with. I deluded myself for years obviously, because the real you is a selfish asshole who isn’t worth my time. And you know what? My life would be so much better if you were out of it. I think all of our lives would be.” 

The worst part was, Dean knew it was true. But that didn’t mean he had to stick around and take it. He turned away from Cas and stormed toward the door. 

“Fuck you.” 

“Fuck you? Well said. How did you fail English 101?” 

The front door slammed closed. 

Cas was alone. 

Last night, everything was perfect. 

This morning, they had the biggest fight they’d ever had. 

And now, Cas stood alone in their living room. He let his head drop to his hands. 

Their friendship had survived so much. But he knew it couldn’t survive this.


	3. Kiss and Make Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fighting is easy, making up is harder.
> 
> Eileen is finally in this chapter, and I debated how to write her dialogue since she mostly signs. Just assume most of the characters can sign, and Eileen is always signing :)

**PART IV.**

**(May 1st)**

**The Day After the Fight**

Sam was grateful for his spare key. He and Eileen booked a red eye flight from Stanford, and he didn’t want to make Bobby get the door at three AM. 

He pushed open the door and led Eileen inside. It was pitch black. Sam felt along the wall for the light switch and threw his carry-on bag on the couch. 

“Hey!” 

Sam jumped and flipped the light switch. 

Dean was sleeping on the couch. Or at least he had been. 

“The hell was that for, bitch?” Dean grumbled. 

“Sorry,” Sam stepped away from the wall, “I didn’t see you. What are you doing out here?” 

Dean sat up and pushed Sam’s bag onto the floor. 

“I knew you and Eileen were getting in tonight, and I didn’t want to sleep in my room in case she wanted the bed. Nice to meet you Eileen,” Dean signed the greeting. He’d been practicing. 

“You too," she signed, “Sorry about the rude awakening.” 

“Don’t worry, totally Sam’s fault," Dean signed. 

“I think we’ll both be fine in my room,” Sam grabbed his bag. Eileen nodded. 

“All good. I just wanted to give the lady the option. Seriously, I’d be fine out here. The couch is great when I’m not being physically assaulted.” 

“Why aren’t you at your place?” Sam asked. 

“I need to crash here for a while,” Dean said then quickly circled back to, “Goddamn, did you pack your entire brick collection in that thing?” 

“It’s mostly books,” Eileen said. 

Dean chuckled, “Of course it is. See this is why we never let Sammy plan his own party. It would just be a giant book club meeting. The DJ would play a 9 hour audio book.” 

She laughed, but Sam wasn’t going to let him change the subject that easily. 

“Why are you staying here? Is Cas okay?” 

Dean kept his face perfectly neutral. The good thing about Bobby was that he didn’t ask stupid question like ‘is Cas okay?’ Cas was probably just fine. Which was fine, because Dean was fine too. He’d be even more fine when Sam got off his back. 

“You’d have to ask him. It was time for me to move out, okay? Look Sammy, I’m glad you’re home but can we postpone this reunion ‘til breakfast?” 

Sam gave him a look, like Dean was sitting on a pile of bullshit, but then Eileen yawned and they all said goodnight. He successfully avoided another terrible game of 20 questions with Sammy. Until it was time for Sam, Eileen, Bobby, and Dean to sit down for breakfast. 

“Why did you move out?” Sam asked over pancakes. 

“I wanted to.” Dean said and then shoved a full pancake into his mouth. 

“Cas kicked him out,” Bobby said, pouring himself a cup of coffee. 

“What?” 

Dean swallowed the pancake and glared at Bobby. 

“He didn’t kick me out, I wanted to leave. Why are we talking about me, when we have a beautiful guest? Eileen, what do you want to talk about?” 

“Who is Cas?” Eileen asked. 

“He’s Dean’s best friend,” Sam clarified then turned to Dean, “Did he really kick you out? What the hell are you fighting about? Please tell me it’s not something immature and stupid—” 

“Speaking of stupid,” Dean stood, “I think we have some of Sam’s baby pictures around here. I’m sure you’ll appreciate ‘em Eileen.” 

“What did you fight about?” Sam asked. 

“I know we have some pictures of your braces and bowl cut years.” Dean left the kitchen. 

“Years?” Eileen smirked. 

“Okay, fine, Dean I get it. I’ll stop asking. Dean. Dean, I burned those pictures years ago don’t even bother looking. Please.” 

After the pancakes, and the photo albums, Dean headed to work. Sam gave Eileen a tour of Lawrence, which didn’t take too long. They were done by lunch, and Sam decided to stop by the high school. He wanted to introduce Eileen to Cas. And maybe, if it came up, figure out why the hell Dean would move out. 

“Hello, Sam,” Cas welcomed them into his classroom, “And you must be Eileen. Sam has spoken very highly of you. Please excuse my poor sign language, I’m still learning.” 

“Don’t worry about it,” She said, “It’s nice to meet you, too.” 

“What do you think of Lawrence?” 

“It’s nice. I’m from Ireland, so it’s cool to see more of America. I’ve really only been to California.” 

“Lawrence is like the opposite of California,” Cas said, “but it has its own charm. And cheaper real estate.” She chuckled. 

“Speaking of real estate,” Sam said, very casual, “Dean says he’s getting his own place.” 

“I assumed,” was all Cas said. His expression turned cold. 

“When did that happened?” 

“Yesterday,” Cas said. “Did he ask you to come here? If he wants his things, he can pick them up anytime.” 

“No, no, he doesn’t even know we’re here. I just wanted you and Eileen to meet. And figure out what happened. Did something happen?” 

Cas paused. Then he abruptly turned away and started organizing a stack of papers on his desk. 

“What did he tell you?” 

“He didn’t tell me anything. Did he do something stupid?” 

“It’s. . .complicated.” 

Cas turned back toward them. 

“I’m sorry. I’m glad I got to meet you, but I have to go. I have to, uh, go make some copies. Right now. Yes. I wish we could talk longer, but maybe we could go to dinner tomorrow, just the three of us.” 

“Tomorrow is Sam’s birthday dinner,” said Eileen. 

“Is that tomorrow?” Cas said quickly, grabbing his jacket and shuffling toward the door, “Wow, I nearly forgot. Happy early birthday.” 

“You’ll be there, right?” Sam asked. Cas was family. Clearly he and Dean were in the middle of a fight, but Sam was sure they’d get over it soon enough. They always did. Dean was miserable when they fought. He just wished he knew what happened, so he could help. Maybe he should call Anna. 

Cas gave him a sincere smile. 

“Of course I’ll be there.” 

Then Cas practically shoved them out the door rambling on about the copy machine lunch time rush. 

\- 

Dean stayed later than usual at the shop. He’d been working on cars since he was old enough to bring his dad a pair of pliers. When he had an engine in front of him, he had a clear head. He already asked for the weekend off for Sam’s birthday, so today was his last chance to distract himself with work. On his final car of the day, he triple checked the spark plugs and made sure every drop of oil was thoroughly changed. Bobby made chili for dinner. By the time Dean got home and changed, dinner was served. 

“I met Cas today. We dropped by his classroom,” Eileen said. 

Dean tightened his grip on his spoon. 

“What did he say?” 

“He said,” Sam shot him a soft, sad expression, “he’s really sorry for everything that happened.” 

“Shut up, Sammy. You’ve pulled this parent trap shit before,” Dean dug into his chili. 

Sam scoffed, playing at offended, but Dean knew better. 

Sam wasn’t tearing up and/or pelting him with a million questions about his feelings, so obviously Cas didn’t tell him what really happened. Dean was relieved, but surprised. Cas hated him now, but he was still kind enough to let him come out in his own way. Or maybe Cas hated him so much, he refused to speak his name. Or maybe Cas was already over the fight. Maybe the fight was the best thing that ever happened to him, and Dean was just a distant memory of the idiot he used to know. 

This was always going to happen eventually. It was better that it happened now. 

“What’s wrong with my chili?” Bobby asked gruffly. 

Dean blinked, and realized he’d been holding his spoonful of chili midair. Sam and Eileen looked at him, slightly concerned. Dean shoved the spoon in his mouth. 

“Nothing,” he said with his mouth full. 

“Dean, just tell us what happened. It’s probably not as bad as you think,” Sam said. 

“Okay, fine. We got into a fight about your birthday party. I wanted to get three cheap strippers, but he wanted one expensive-ass stripper—” 

“Shut up,” He glared at Dean and then signed quickly, “He’s joking,” 

Eileen laughed, “I’m honestly impressed you knew the sign for stripper. And I’d go with three, because the more the merrier.” 

“What’s the sign for, ‘you’re too cool for my brother?’” Dean grinned. 

Sam flipped him off. 

**PART V.**

**(May 2nd)**

**Sam’s Birthday**

**Two Days After the Fight**

Dean loved sleeping in, normally. 

But this morning, for some reason, it was 5AM and he was wide awake staring at his ceiling and thinking to himself, _stop thinking about it, he’s better off without you and you know it and he knows it and you know it and_

Dean got out of bed. 

He made coffee and didn’t think about Cas stirring in sugar. 

He gave Baby a checkup and didn’t think about Cas leaning back in the passenger seat. 

He took a shower and didn’t think about Cas pulling open the curtain and joining him. 

He twisted the knob until the water was freezing. 

\- 

Cas was face down on the couch. 

Charlie was in his kitchen, searching his cabinets for something sugary for breakfast. She made the drive from Illinois last night. He needed reinforcements if he was going to get through Sam’s party tonight, and Charlie always knew how to make him feel better. 

“Let’s egg his car.” 

“No,” Cas said, muffled by the couch cushion. 

“You should wear something super sexy tonight.” 

“No,” Cas turned his head, “Maybe I shouldn’t even go.” 

“You have to go. If you don’t go, he won the breakup.” 

“We didn’t breakup. We were never together.” 

Charlie raised her eyebrows and Cas turned again so his face was smothered by couch. Anything was better than seeing her skeptical look. Last night he told Charlie everything, because he had to tell someone. It didn’t feel real until he heard Charlie gasp and ask questions and say, ‘oh damn’. He also trusted Charlie to keep it a secret. Cas decided he wouldn’t tell anyone else until Dean did. He wasn’t even sure Dean wanted to come out. Or if Dean was even queer. Though he had mentioned hooking up with Benny. 

Cas couldn’t stop thinking about the fight, replaying it over and over again. No matter how many times he reviewed what happened, he couldn’t understand why it went so spectacularly wrong. He knew Dean, and he could be an asshole sometimes, but never so casually cruel. Maybe the problem was he knew how Dean was as a friend, not a lover. 

But maybe it wasn’t all Dean’s fault. He couldn’t stop picturing the brokenhearted look on Dean’s face when he’d said _My life would be so much better if you were out of it._ Cas regretted it as soon as the stupid words left his mouth. Maybe it wasn’t too late to patch things up. He could go apologize to Dean and then maybe things would go back to the way they were. 

But would they? 

It didn’t seem possible, not now, not after their perfect night together. This was exactly why he’d never acted on his feelings before. Now that he knew what it was like to kiss the smile off Dean’s face, how could he go back to just being friends? How could he watch him smile at someone else? 

Charlie grabbed a muffin from the fridge and returned to her pep talk. 

“Tonight is gonna be great. You’re gonna show up, looking hot as hell, and he’s going to realize what a stupid, immature, dick-headed, asshole he was. And if he doesn’t, I’ll tell him.” 

Cas buried his head deeper into the couch. 

\- 

There were still two hours to kill before the party. Dean spent most of the day hanging around the Roadhouse, helping Jo hang decorations and while Ellen worked on Sam’s birthday cake. Although pie was her specialty, she unfortunately insisted on cake. It was extra fancy too, probably because she felt guilty for missing Sam’s graduation next week. Dean offered to help with frosting, but Ellen sent him packing. 

Dean sat on the couch, bouncing his leg while Bobby sat in his recliner, drank beer, and watched TV. Dean tried to watch too, but he’d never been a fan of fishing shows. The old guys on the boat were blabbering on about some big catch that slipped away. The sky was grey, but the ocean was so blue. 

He couldn’t watch this crap anymore. 

“Do you think we need more beer for tonight? Cause I could go grab a few cases. Wouldn’t want anyone to go thirsty.” 

“I’m sure the bar’s got beer,” Bobby said, looking at him sideways. 

“Oh. Right,” Dean chuckled. Then he stood, looked around the room for a moment, and turned to Bobby. 

“Hey, is your disposal still giving you trouble? Maybe I could take a look.” 

“Fixed it last week.” 

Dean nodded. Then his eyes lit up. 

“It rained last week. I bet your gutters need cleaning.” 

Dean started to leave. Bobby shifted in his chair and said, 

“Just go talk to him.” 

Dean paused and looked back at Bobby. 

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.” 

“Listen, I know we don’t really… but you oughta know I. . . got no problems with Cas. You and him together and everything. You know what I’m tryin’ to say.” 

Dean did know what he was trying to say, but it was the last thing he expected to hear. Dean felt his stomach drop and he desperately tried to figure out how the hell Bobby knew. This was different from Gabriel’s usual bullshit. Bobby would never joke about something like this. And he’d never said anything to Dean before. Had he said something to other people? To Sam? How long had he thought Dean and Cas were _together and everything?_ He wanted to ask, but he also wanted to run as fast as he could in the other direction. 

“I get it, Bobby. Anyway, I gotta take care of those rain gutters. Those things are a damn fire hazard.” 

\- 

The Roadhouse was the perfect place for a party. Dean’s ‘Shit Sam Likes’ playlist lightly played through the speakers, candles flickered from the center of the tables, Ellen served the drinks, and Dean served the burgers. All of Sam’s Lawrence friends and neighbors were invited, and most were there standing around, chatting in small groups. Even Michael was there, chatting with Luc, Sam’s old boss, by the chip bowl. 

Sam and Eileen were at a table with Jo, Garth, Anna, and Gabriel. Everyone had a drink, but dinner wasn’t ready yet. Dean was finishing up in the kitchen. Cas hadn’t shown up yet. 

“It’s strange. Cas is normally so punctual,” Anna said, half apologetic and half worried. 

“Well, Dean warned me he might not come,” Jo said, eager to spill the news, “Apparently they had a huge fight.” 

“No fucking way,” Gabriel’s eyes widened, “About what?” 

Sam glanced toward the kitchen. If Dean caught them gossiping, he’d be pissed the rest of the night, but Dean was still in front of the grill. 

“I don’t know,” Sam turned back to the table and kept his voice low, “I asked both of them, and they refused to say what happened.” 

“I hope it wasn’t serious,” Anna said. 

“It sounds pretty serious. Dean moved out,” Jo dropped the bombshell. 

Gabriel and Anna looked shocked. Garth processed this, then leaned back in his chair with an amused look. 

“Okay, I see what’s happening here. They’re trying to mess with us,” he said. 

“No, Dean’s really upset,” Sam said. Garth chuckled. 

“That’s what they want you to think. It’s the perfect prank, dude.” 

“How is that a prank?” Eileen asked. 

“It’s not,” Jo said but Garth just smiled, knowingly. Jo rolled her eyes. 

“I know what really happened,” Gabriel said, “They finally hooked up and then Cassie, always the puritan, was like now we can’t live together until we’re married, and kicked Dean to the curb.” 

“Maybe I should call him,” Anna said glancing at her phone. 

“He said he was coming,” Sam said. 

“Hey,” Gabriel said suddenly, “If they hooked up in April, I won the bet.” 

“Forget about the stupid bet,” Sam said 

“Don’t be mad you put money on December. It was never gonna happen in winter. Too many layers.” 

“They didn’t hook up,” Sam glared. 

“Who are you talking about?” Cas said from behind Sam. 

They all noticed Cas at the same time. He was wearing a white button-up, the top two buttons undone, and navy slacks. Standing next to him was Charlie, his friend from college they’d all met a few times. Sam stood. 

“Hey, I’m glad you guys could make it.” 

“Me too. Happy birthday, Sam. Who were you talking about?” 

“Just some celebrities, you probably haven’t heard of,” Sam said quickly before anyone else (Gabriel) could, “Charlie, how have you been?” 

“Eh, can’t complain. Happy birthday! Thanks for letting me crash your party.” 

Cas and Charlie took the empty seats next to Eileen. Cas introduced Eileen and Charlie, and it turned out Eileen recognized the Celtic Thunder t-shirt Charlie was wearing. They fell into a conversation about their favorite Irish music, leaving Cas at the mercy of the rest of the table. 

“So, Cassie, I hear there’s trouble in paradise,” Gabriel said. “Did you two finally hook up?” 

“Dude,” Sam said sharply. Cas’s expression darkened. 

“Why didn’t you tell us something happened?” Anna asked. 

“Why did Dean move out?” Jo asked. 

“Guys,” Sam said, “C’mon. I don’t think Cas wants to—” 

“Hey you already had a chance to interrogate him,” Gabriel said. “And besides, if they hooked up, Cas should tell us. We’re family.” 

“We didn’t ‘hook up’,” Cas said flatly. 

“Sorry, sorry. Made love,” Gabriel gave him respectful prayer hands. Cas rolled his eyes. 

“Let’s talk about something else,” Sam said. Jo, Anna, and Gabriel opened their mouths, but he cut them off, “It’s my birthday, and I want to talk about this summer. Anyone have any fun plans?” 

“Yes,” Cas said, gratefully, “I’ve been talking with Charlie about taking a road trip this summer to California.” 

Sam’s eyes lit up, “That’s great. You’d love California. If you stop by Stanford, Eileen and I could give you a tour.” 

“Well, actually, about Stanford—” Cas looked down at the table and raised his eyebrows. Gabriel spoke up first. 

“Is Charlie here so she can replace Dean? No, wait, you probably asked her here so you could talk about Dean together. Damn. I can’t believe you’d confide in her, while your own flesh and blood have to find out through Sam.” 

“They found out through Jo,” Sam defended himself to Cas. 

“Hey, I didn’t realize it was a secret,” Jo said. 

“Secret? What? What are we talking about?” Charlie tuned back into the conversation. 

“Cas never tells us anything. Is he okay?” Anna asked. Charlie glanced at Cas, wondering how she should reply. 

“Did he tell you what their fight was about?” Gabriel asked, “Because if my sweet, innocent brother is out there being taken advantage of, I think I deserve to know. And did it happen in April?” 

“You guys are getting worked up over nothing. Cas, dude, just tell them you and Dean are pranking us,” Garth leaned forward and patted Cas’s hand. 

Cas pulled his hand away and snapped. 

“It doesn’t matter what happened, because Dean and I are done. It doesn’t matter why. Friendships don’t last. People change. We’re not going to live together, and we’re not going to talk about it, so neither should you.” 

Sam cleared his throat, and Cas looked up. 

Dean was standing at their table with a plate full of burgers. 

He dropped the plate on the table and slid into the last empty seat, next to Sam, and across from Cas. 

“Well. I guess Cas explained the situation.” 

Cas stared at Dean with a furrowed brow. Dean pushed the plate to the center of the table, but no one reached for a burger. The air was tense. Not even Gabriel wanted to break this silence. 

But he did. 

“I should go grab two more chairs. Laura texted me, she just parked.” 

“Why do you need two chairs?” Cas asked, right as Laura entered the Roadhouse, with a beautiful brunette woman. 

Lisa. Dean recognized her immediately from the pictures on Laura’s phone. 

“Hey, guys!” Laura grinned as she approached the table, either not noticing the tension or not caring. “Happy birthday, Sam. God, being 22 is the best. I hope you don’t mind, I brought my best friend Lisa tonight. She just couldn’t wait to meet Dean.” 

Cas inhaled sharply. 

“Please, excuse Laura.” Lisa smiled self-consciously, “I think she’s trying to set us up.” 

“Well…thank you, Laura,” Dean looked Lisa up and down, slowly, then smiled like he liked what he saw. Lisa flushed, but she was smiling, too. 

Cas wasn’t smiling. 

Gabriel brought back two chairs, putting one next to him and jamming the other between Dean and Sam. Lisa slid into the seat next to Dean. 

Charlie tried to catch Cas’s eye, but he wouldn’t look away from Dean. 

_“The burgers are getting cold,”_ Eileen pointed out. 

Cas wasn’t hungry. Charlie cleared her throat and he looked at her. She glanced at Dean and then back at Cas like _‘I can’t believe he’s pulling this bullshit.’_ Cas widened his eyes like, _‘Charlie I want to leave’._

Eileen reached for the burgers and started passing the plate around. Sam handed out paper plates and napkins. 

Dean watched Lisa take a bit of burger. She practically groaned. 

“Oh my god. You made this?” She asked, covering her mouth with one hand. 

“Yeah, burgers are my specialty.” 

“Wow,” She swallowed, then smiled at him, “You have a gift.” 

“I can tell you the secret ingredient,” he leaned toward her and lowered his voice, “if you want.” 

“Let me guess. Is it love?” 

His mouth quirked up at the corner and he leaned even closer, one hand braced on the back of her chair so he could whisper in her ear. 

Charlie passed the plate of burgers to Cas. 

Cas picked up a burger. 

Lisa laughed and Dean leaned back just enough for Cas to see his satisfied smirk. 

Cas let go of his burger, and it splattered on the floor. 

“Whoops,” Cas said, flatly. 

“Do you need napkins?” Eileen asked. 

“No,” Cas stood, “I’ll get paper towels.” 

“But here—” Eileen held out the stack of napkins, but Cas was already halfway to the kitchen. 

Charlie watched him leave. She almost went after him, but as soon as the kitchen door closed, Dean jumped out of his chair and followed. Lisa looked surprised, but he didn’t seem to notice. 

Charlie hesitated. Maybe she should still go after them. But maybe Cas wanted to talk to him alone. She had some choice words for Dean after that display, but there would be time for that later. 

\- 

The kitchen was empty. Thank God. 

Cas stormed inside. He ran a hand through his hair and looked at his reflection in the silver pot hanging above the counter. He looked terrible, and not just because his reflection was distorted. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. 

The kitchen door opened, and then he and Dean stood face to face, glaring. 

“That was some show. I’m surprised you didn’t start rolling around on the pool table.” 

“What’s wrong with a little flirting, Cas? I thought we were _done_.” 

“I said that because I thought that’s what you wanted.” 

“Well, it’s not.” 

“Then what do you want?” 

Dean stared. Then he folded his arms. 

“I want to be friends.” 

Cas tilted his chin. 

“Why don’t you be friends with Lisa?” 

Dean scoffed and walked to the other side of the room, toward the long table. On one side was a bucket of ice with champagne, but Dean headed toward the side with Sam’s birthday. It was a vanilla cake with three layers, reading Happy 22nd Birthday in red, curly frosting. When he turned around, Cas was right behind him. He jumped, just a little. Cas hadn’t managed to sneak up on him in years. 

They were alone, out of view of the kitchen window. 

It would be so easy to kiss him again. 

“Why don’t you want to date me?” Cas asked, in a low voice. 

Dean looked back at the cake. He needed to get out of here before he accidently made a sudden movement and sent the whole thing toppling. He stepped around Cas and walked to the other end of the table. 

Cas stepped toward him. He was wearing the same collared shirt he’d worn to Gabriel’s dinner party, but it was more unbuttoned than usual. Dean followed the trail of buttons down. Why did they only get one night together? Cas had been in pajamas that night, and not even for that long. There was so much more Dean never got to try. He’d never unbuttoned his shirt while kissing his neck, he’d never pulled Cas toward him by the belt loops. They never even kissed in the car. How many times had he looked over at Cas in the passenger seat and imagined putting a hand on his knee and pulling over and lowering the seats. 

“Why did you sleep with me if you knew…if you knew that it would matter to me?” 

“I don’t know,” Dean said helplessly. He couldn’t think of an excuse that didn’t sound horrible. But he couldn’t tell him the truth, either. Now was not the time for an ‘I love you’, much less an ‘I’ve been in love with you for years’. 

“Look me in the eyes and tell me it meant nothing.” 

“I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“If you don’t want to talk then why did you follow me in here?” 

“I didn’t… ” Dean tensed and locked eyes on the champagne. “I came in here to get a bottle of champagne.” 

He reached for a bottle and started peeling off the gold foil. 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, really,” Dean glanced at him, “We need champagne. Next week Sammy graduates. And then next year, he starts law school. You know, Stanford Law School. At Stanford. That’s in California. You know how long that drive is? 23 hours.” 

Dean held the bottom of the bottle against his thigh and attacked the foil with new vigor. God, this shit was hard to peel off. He bent over to get a better grip. 

“Why don’t you go pop the champagne with Lisa? I’m still looking for my paper towels.” 

Dean finally got the freaking foil off. He threw it to the ground and tried to push the top off. The cork was even more stubborn than the foil. 

“Or if not Lisa, why not someone else? It’s just one night of fun, who cares who it’s with? Why not go for Laura? Or Jo? Perhaps Anna? Maybe Gabriel would be interested.” 

“Jesus Christ, Cas, I’m sorry about Lisa, alright?” Dean snapped, still completely focused on popping the champagne, “I’m sorry I flirted with her in front of you, but I thought you had more important things to worry about.” 

“What are you talking about?” Cas stepped even closer. 

“Is this shit glued on?” Dean made a desperate attempt to pull the top off. He shook the bottle in his attempt to get a better grip. 

“What do you mean by ‘important things’?” 

“Important things, like your future. I just want you. To. Be. Happy,” Dean said through gritted teeth. 

“I want you to be happy, too,” Cas said, “Why can’t we try to be happy together?” 

Dean looked up at him, right as he popped the bottle. The cork flew like a bullet, and half the bottle exploded after it like a fire hose. 

It hit the cake straight on, like the red frosting was a bullseye. The cork got stuck halfway through the top tier of cake, and the rest was completely drenched in champagne. 

Dean jerked the bottle away, but it was too late. The cake was soaked, caving in on itself like a soggy pile of sugar. 

They stared. Champagne dripped down the bottle, over Dean’s hand, and onto the floor but he barely noticed. 

“Was that for tonight?” Cas asked slowly. 

Dean nodded. He couldn’t speak yet. 

“Maybe,” Cas shuffled his feet, “maybe it will taste good? Like you added a champagne glaze.” 

Dean laughed a little. 

“Maybe we could go buy another one at Costco before they notice,” Cas said. 

Now Dean laughed harder. Cas started laughing too. 

He looked over at Cas, smiling in the fluorescent kitchen lights, and it hit him. He could talk to Cas about Stanford, and they could figure out what their future looked like together. No matter what shit hit the fan, or champagne hit the cake, they could find a way to laugh. They could try to be happy together. 

Dean was still staring at him as their laughter trailed off. Cas looked at him and seemed to remember something. He cleared his throat. 

“I’ll go break the news to Ellen.” 

“Cas, wait,” Dean ran after him. 

At the table, Jo was telling Eileen and Charlie her favorite Sam stories. Garth and Lisa were bonding over their favorite show, Dr. Sexy. Gabriel thought it was overrated, but he still watched every episode and chimed in with his fan theories. Then Gabriel saw Cas and Dean leave the kitchen, and he waved them over. He still had a bet to settle. 

“Hey, Cassie, Dean-o, come back here for a sec. When you hooked up the other day, who actually initiated it? It was Dean, right?” 

Dean didn’t miss a beat. He turned back to Cas and looked at him like he’d just stabbed him in the back. 

“You told Gabriel we hooked up? How could—” 

“Dean,” Cas snapped, “I didn’t tell him anything.” 

Dean froze. 

“Oh. You didn’t. . . So I just—” 

“Yes. You did,” Cas said, strained. 

The table was in shocked silence. Sam choked. Anna gasped. Lisa looked at Laura for answers. Charlie winced. Jo kept looking between Dean and Cas. Eileen blinked. Garth smiled encouragingly. 

Gabriel grinned, “I think I speak for everyone when I say, we’re so happy for you crazy kids. Well, maybe I don’t speak for Lisa.” 

“Please shut up,” Cas said. 

“Dean, are you,” Sam started, but no way in hell was Dean going to let him finish. 

Dean made a break for the kitchen. He opened the door as Ellen screamed from inside. He hesitated in the kitchen doorway. 

After Ellen recovered from the cake crime scene, she announced that Dean and Cas were going to go buy some dessert. It wasn’t a suggestion, and not even Sam’s protests changed her mind. Charlie didn’t let him protest too hard. She convinced the group that Cas and Dean definitely needed some alone time before they could answer any questions. 

Dean drove. He looked over at Cas in the passenger seat. 

Dean wasn’t sure if it was because he loved to drive, but something about sitting in a car made hard conversations easier. Cas looked out the passenger window, watching the night pass by. 

“I can’t believe you thought I told Gabriel.” 

“Cas.” 

“And if you’re going to blame me, pull over now. I’ll just walk home. I’m sure Sam will understand—” 

“Cas, listen. That morning, I found your Stanford application in the trash.” 

Cas stayed quiet. They kept driving. 

“It was torn up,” Dean continued, “Into tiny pieces, so I know you were mad when you did it. And the night before, Gabriel told me you turned down Brown to follow me. Which ended up being a big mistake because I screwed up and left after a year. So when I found your Stanford thing, I figured you decided not to apply so you could stay here. With me.” 

“You didn’t screw up,” was all Cas said. 

Dean resisted an eyeroll, “I ruined your plans, and after you gave up Brown. I just didn’t want you to make the same mistake, for my sake, with this Stanford stuff. So I tried to keep it casual between us, but then I screwed that up, too.” 

“I could have reacted better,” Cas said, turning toward him, “But I’ll admit, you were an asshole.” 

“Yeah,” Dean said. “I’m not good at this type of stuff.” 

“I know,” Cas put a hand on Dean’s arm. It felt like Cas’s hand could burn a hole through his shirt. “But I want you know, you didn't ruin my plans. I turned down Brown because I was just so scared and insecure and I didn't think our friendship would survive the distance. But when you dropped out, and later moved back home, I realized my feelings for you were still there. It didn't matter how far apart we were. I just wish you’d said something sooner so I could have explained. Dean, I already applied to Stanford.” 

“What?” now Dean turned to him sharply. 

“I applied for their English Ph.D. program last winter and I heard back in March. I didn’t tell anyone I applied because I wasn’t sure I’d get in. And I didn’t.” 

“How could you not get in? What are looking for, freaking Shakespeare? Actually, no, your stuff is better than his. You would never write something that ends in a double suicide, like a total cop out—” 

“This is why I didn’t want to tell you,” Cas said with a dry smile. “I didn’t want to disappoint you, if I wasn’t good enough. But I’ve been thinking about touring the campus this summer. Maybe Sam could help me get in touch with someone from the English department.” 

“Once they meet you, they’ll be begging you to join their classes. Maybe you could still go this fall.” 

“I don’t know about that. But I’ll apply again, and maybe to a few other programs too, just in case. It would mean leaving Lawrence for five years, but I think we could make it work. Then after, I could teach anywhere I wanted. There are colleges everywhere.” 

“There are cars everywhere, too.” 

Cas titled his head, fondly. He knew what Dean was trying to say. And it made his cheeks warm. 

“Dean,” The headlights of a passing car illuminated Cas, “you love living in Lawrence.” 

The light faded, but Cas still looked golden. 

“I love you, more.” 

Cas smiled, slow and surprised and sweet. Dean looked over at Cas in the passenger seat and put a hand on his knee and pulled over and lowered the seats. 

\- 

Back at the Roadhouse, Ellen brought out two apple pies she’d been keeping in the fridge. 

Sam looked at her funny as she set one with candles down in front of him. 

“If you had pie, why did you send Dean and Cas out for more dessert?” 

Ellen patted Sam’s back. 

“I just wanted to give ‘em some space. C’mon, you’re a smart kid. You really think they’ll be comin’ back here tonight?” 

Sam did think that, but now he was starting to rethink. It was weird at first, but in a way, Dean and Cas together made sense. He should’ve seen this coming. And he never should have bet against Gabriel. 

“They’re looking for a different kind of dessert,” Gabriel smirked. 

“I knew they hooked up this whole time, and I never said anything.” Charlie said smugly, “I’m great at secrets. This is exactly why Cas told me he applied to Stanford.” 

“Cas is coming to Stanford?” Eileen gasped. Charlie realized her mistake. 

“Why has Cas been keeping so much from us?” Anna asked, upset. 

“We should be asking more important questions—such as, when are you chumps going to pay me? I totally called April.” 

“We don’t know for sure, it could’ve happened May 1st,” Jo said desperately. 

“I bet they’ve been hooking up since January,” Garth said. 

“Oh yeah right—" Gabriel started. 

“Maybe we should just cut the pie now,” Sam said, reaching for the knife. 

**PART VI.**

**(May 2nd… one year later)**

**Epilogue**

Sam flew back to Lawrence with Eileen for his 23rd birthday. 

Dean and Cas were in charge of food and dessert this year. Cas bought a cake from Costco, and Dean made burgers and let Cas pop the champagne. This time, they toasted to Sam’s successful first year of law school, though Dean also added a toast to Cas’s Stanford acceptance. They decided they’d try long distance at first, but Dean would check out the job situation when he came to visit. 

They lived together first, and then started dating, and now Cas would be moving out. They did everything backwards, but they were happy. 

Gabriel was already placing bets on how long it would take for Dean to move to California. He had a hundred bucks that the first time Dean visited, he would move in. 

Outside it was raining, but inside it was warm and bright. Charlie was back for the weekend and Gabriel brought his new girlfriend, Kali. 

“It’s time to sing.” Anna said brightly, holding the cake with the lit candles. 

“Where’s Sam?” Jo said. 

Suddenly the kitchen door was thrown open, and Sam and Eileen stormed into the room. 

“Eileen, please just—” 

“I don’t care—” 

“You’re not letting me explain—” 

“Because you didn’t explain. You should have told me when it happened. I shouldn’t find out from Meg.” Eileen left the Roadhouse. 

“Eileen—” Sam shouted, frustrated, following her out the front door. 

Everyone watched the door close behind him. 

Anna stood to the side, still holding the cake. 

Jo leaned over and blew out the candles. 

Dean and Cas sat at the bar; heads bent together over their drinks. 

“That sounded bad. I hope Sam and Eileen are okay,” Cas said. 

“I’m sure they’ll be okay. Every couple goes through rough patches, but Sam and Eileen are good for each other. I can’t believe they’d fight like that in the front of all of us, though.” 

“That was pretty dramatic,” Cas agreed. Dean nodded and took a drink. Then he thought back. 

“Cas. . . we weren’t like that last year, right?” 

“No,” Cas patted his thigh, and assured him, “When we fight we do it in private. Most of the time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally finished! :) This was such a fun story to write. It ended up being more angsty and dramatic than I intended, but I hope you liked it. Thanks to the people who left comments, it totally made my day.


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